Marzo 30 / 2010

First things first. Yeah, there's no way you can put second things first, is it?.

Weird enough this seems like the hardest month ever (No, not really, December was worst). But right now I don't have the willingness to continue. It's just like that. Everything seems to be falling apart (It's not only "that", it's everything, believe me)

Sometimes I have the feeling that I'm not worthy. That everyone around is much better than me (Probably they are) (And that involves every little part of life) but I don't know... There's no reason why people should spend their time worrying about me or even thinking about me. Maybe is not a good day to start a blog.

He's not coming back and I know that, I always knew, but I'm too stubborn to convince myself. I'm cold and it hasn't stopped raining outside which leaves me feeling even more upset and in the blue-mood. Alcoholic enough, I'd give anything for a good glass of wine or a lovely vodka&orange. I wanna learn how to play the guitar or how to sing so I can do it as an EXIT. But no, not even that.

I feel like the best way of forgetting is unplugging. But what am I supposed to do?. I can't just dissappear without saying goodbye and even if I do it, what will I be doing?. Probably I should book a ticket to lovely Northern Ireland ASAP, I'm pretty sure that lovely Jonnie would make me laugh right now. Anyway...

Life is not always about how good it is, and I know it is good. I mean, I have God by my side. But (And that seems like the most useful word right now) a couple of tears wouldn't do much damage. I, I, I, I don't know.